Decisions We Make As Children

I recently had an EFT session with a woman who has suffered anxiety and depression since her childhood shortly after her father committed suicide. Naturally this is a tragic, deeply traumatic and sad event in any child’s life. She has consequently had years of therapy and whilst she can talk about her father’s death now, it took a very long time before she could do so. At the time and understandably so, due to the level of grief and overwhelm experienced by her mother and family, no-one ever talked about what happened or comforted her in any way and all she remembers is feeling so completely alone, scared and with this constant aching sadness in her heart. After her dad’s death she was always sent to school early and remembers sitting and crying alone and in fear behind the shelter sheds. The family’s grief was so deep and their ability to function normally so severely impaired that her needs for comfort and support were not able to be met by her immediate family.

After tapping on several issues around her father’s death, how she felt as a child and other issues currently affecting her life, she became saddened to realise just how much of her life has been consumed by this and that she was still in part hanging on to the past, despite wanting very much to move on and “get on with it.”  So at this point we tapped on:

“Even though part of me is still hanging on to the past, I deeply and completely accept myself.”

“Even though I’m so sad that this has consumed so much of my life that I don’t even know what it’s like not to have it, I deeply and completely accept myself.

“Even though I’ve not had the career, the family, the life I wanted because of this, I deeply and completely accept myself.”

“Even though if I give up the past now I won’t know where I’ll be, who I am or where to go, I choose to focus on my personal vision of peace” (which she described earlier, as the life she wanted)

As she tapped on this, a very significant memory of herself as a child popped into her head. She distinctly remembered making a decision “to be miserable.” The reasoning behind this was “if I am miserable someone might come.” She explained that as a child she always felt sad, alone and scared, often crying for hours waiting for someone to come and comfort her but no-on ever did. This “childhood decision” was made at a time when she was in deep mourning for the loss of her father. The “decision to be miserable” became a part of her life and how she experienced it from then on. Something that is likely to be at the core of her depression.

“Even though I made a decision as a child to be miserable, I am an adult now and choose to make a different choice. I choose to be happy and focus on my personal vision of peace instead and let go of the vow I made as a hurt, sad and lonely child”

As we know childhood events shape our lives. I can’t help but wonder how different her life may have been, if as a child living under those circumstances, she had EFT to release all those feelings of sadness, hurt and loneliness. Of course that would not have bought her father back, but the deep pain in her heart that she has felt ever since and that manifests as anxiety, may have definitely been eased.

I think this highlights the importance of teaching our children to tap, whatever opportunity we get because we may never know when they might need it in the future. A happy carefree child today may lose a parent or be subjected to any other similar tragedy tomorrow. A child who has lost a parent (or suffered any other tragedy) in today’s age does have access to these tools and we as adults have the ability to make a difference by teaching it to them.

Do you remember any negative choices you made as a child? Could they be affecting the quality of your life? If so, you have the opportunity as an adult to tap and erase that choice and replace it with a healthier choice. Consider what being at peace means for you and add it to your choice statement when you tap on it.

“Even though as a child I made a choice to……., I deeply and completely accept myself and choose to focus on……(your vision of peace) instead.”

As the author of Tapping For Kids my mission is to help as many children as possible learn “the art of tapping” so that they have the opportunity either with an adult or alone in their room or behind the shelter sheds or in any moment of need to release the strong and overwhelming emotions that they are confronted with. Peaceful children are more likely to become peaceful adults.

Help create peace in the life of a child by teaching them to use EFT routinely as a way of healing and soothing emotional upsets.

Angie Muccillo
EFT Practitioner & Instructor
Remedial Massage Therapist (Member AAMT)
(BA Social Science- Psych/Soc)
(Dip Illustrative Photography – Fine Art/Photjournalism)
(Cert IV Remedial Massage)
(EFT-ADV)

Location

Sublime Massage Clinic
Hutton Street
Thornbury Melbourne

Vic Australia 3071

mob: 0417391055
sublime@pacific.net.au
angiemuccillo@gmail.com

Heal Your Grief

Mercedes Oestermann van Essen
Heal Your Grief: Accept Your Loss & Love Your Life Again

Heal Your Grief reveals potent energy techniques to heal bereavement and find joy in your life. You will find advice on how to cope with bereavement and deal with loss and trauma: be it the loss of a loved one, terminal illness, a divorce or bankruptcy; and love your life again.

Drawing on her experience with subtle energies Mercedes has came up with a fresh way of looking at how our energy matrix changes during grief. Combining ancient healing modalities with the latest insights on the workings of the mind she came up with a new formula to address emotional turmoil and trauma.

This book is a practical guide and handbook for bereavement.

Click here for more information

EFT for Romantic Rejection, Relationship Breakups and “Love Pain”

by Robert Elias Najemy

One of our most devastating emotional experiences is the loss of a loved one. Dr. Roger Callahan the founder of Thought Field Therapy (on which EFT is based) has called this “love pain” and has dedicated a whole book and video to the subject.

Employing EFT on Romantic Rejection

Here is a list of some of the emotions we might feel when someone leaves us. Below each emotion we present some possible set up phrases. These lists as always are there to guide you and never to limit you. There are many other possibilities.

1. Rejection (demeaned, worthless) because he/she does not want to be with me.

A. Even though I feel rejected (demeaned, worthless) because (name of person)____ left me, I deeply and profoundly love myself.
or
Even though until now I felt rejected (demeaned, worthless) because (name of person)____ left me, I now feel (realize, experience) my self-worth as a unique being without him/her.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this feeling of rejected (being demeaned, worthlessness).

C. Reminder Phrase = Rejected ( demeaned, worthlessness) because _____ left.

2. Fear of continuing life without this person.

A. Even though I fear continuing life alone without (name of person)____ , I deeply and profoundly love myself.
or
Even though until now I feared continuing life alone without (name of person)____ , I now feel (realize, experience) self-confidence and powerfully capable of dealing with life.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this fear of dealing with life.

C. Reminder Phrase = Fear of dealing with life (without ______).

3. Fear (shame) of what others will think about me now that he/she has left.

A. Even though I fear what others will think because (name of person)____ left me, I deeply and profoundly love myself.
or
Even though until now I feared what others would think because (name of person)____ left me , I now feel (realize, experience) my self-worth as a unique being, regardless of what they think.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this fear of what they think.

C. Reminder Phrase = Fear of what they think.

4. Fear that I will not find anyone else to share my life with.

A. Even though I fear I will not find anyone else to share my life with, I deeply and profoundly love myself.
or
Even though until now, I feared I would not find anyone else to share my life with, I now am confident that I deserve and will attract the perfect being for me.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this fear of not finding someone else.

C. Reminder Phrase = Fear of not finding someone else.

5. Hurt (pain, unhappiness, loneliness) of not having this person to hold, share, make love to, communicate with, etc.

A. Even though I feel hurt (pain, unhappiness, loneliness) because I do not have (name of person)____ to hold (share, make love to, communicate with etc. ? be specific), I deeply and profoundly love myself.
or
Even though until now I felt I hurt (pain, unhappiness, loneliness) because I do not have (name of person)____ to hold (share, make love to communicate with etc. ? be specific), I now experience the fullness of my being and of my life and lovingly connect with those around me.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from this fear o Hurt (pain, unhappiness, loneliness) because I do not have (name of person)____ to hold (share, make love to communicate with etc. ? be specific),

C. Reminder Phrase = Hurt (pain, unhappiness, loneliness) because I do not have (name of person)____ to hold (share, make love to communicate with etc. ? be specific),

6. Injustice (bitterness, resentment, betrayal) that he/she is unjustly harming, betraying, hurting us in this way.

A. Even though I feel Injustice (bitterness, resentment, betrayal) because (name of person)____ has behaved unjustly, I deeply and profoundly love myself.
or
Even though until now I felt Injustice (bitterness, resentment, betrayal) because (name of person)____ has behaved unjustly, I now have faith in the wisdom of what life gives me for my growth process.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from feeling Injustice (bitterness, resentment, betrayal) because (name of person)____ has behaved unjustly.

C. Reminder Phrase = Injustice (bitterness, resentment, betrayal) because (name of person)____ has behaved unjustly.

7. Guilt (self-rejection) because I feel that I am to blame for his/her leaving.

A. Even though I feel guilt (self-rejection) because (name of person)____ left me , I deeply and profoundly love myself.
or
Even though until now I felt guilt (self-rejection) because (name of person)____ left me, I now forgive and love myself, realizing that I have done and will do my best.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from Guilt (self-rejection) because (name of person)____ left me.

C. Reminder Phrase = Guilt (self-rejection) because (name of person)____ left me.

8. Jealousy if (because) he/she is with someone else

A. Even though I feel jealous because (name of person)____ is with someone else , I deeply and profoundly love myself.
or
Even though until now I felt jealous because (name of person)____ is with someone else, I now feel the fullness of my being trust that life gives me exactly what I need for my growth process (self-actualization).

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from feeling jealousy because (name of person)____ is with someone else.

C. Reminder Phrase = Injustice (bitterness, resentment, betrayal) because (name of person)____ left me.

9. Anger (hate, revenge) because he/she has caused now so much pain.

A. Even though I feel anger (hate, revenge) because (name of person)____ left me (is with someone else) , I deeply and profoundly love myself.
or
Even though until now I felt anger (hate, revenge) because (name of person)____ left me (is with someone else), I now realize that I am perfectly capable of being happy and fulfilled without him/her.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from feeling anger (hate, revenge) because (name of person)____ left me (is with someone else).

C. Reminder Phrase = Anger (hate, revenge) because (name of person)____ left me (is with someone else).

10. Depression (disillusionment, discouragement) that I cannot have what I want and cannot do anything about it.

A. Even though I feel depressed (disillusioned, discouraged) because I cannot be with (name of person)____ , I deeply and profoundly love myself.
or
Even though until now I felt depressed (disillusioned, discouraged) because I could not be with (name of person)____ , I now realize (feel, experience) that I have the power to create the life I want.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept, realize that it is in my benefit) to be free from feeling depressed (disillusioned, discouraged) because I cannot be with (name of person)____.

C. Reminder Phrase = Depressed (disillusioned, discouraged) because I cannot be with (name of person)____

It should not take long to work through all of the above. The pain which often takes months, and for some people, years, can be removed in a week or less. We help no one by feeling all these emotions.

Better to get on with our lives.

Below are some thoughts about what we can gain from such a situation.

LEARNING FROM A RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN

A divorce, separation or, in general, any loss of an important relationship is a painful experience. . Such pain can seriously diminish our peace and happiness.  If we are thinking of separating, there are many lessons we need to examine before we can come to the conclusion that we must separate from someone. But if the other leaves us or this separation has already happened, we might be able to benefit from the following.

1. Our first lesson is to examine our behavior to see how we might have contributed to the problem. Only in this way can we create a new healthy relationship if we chose to.

In relation to this we might want to examine the following:

a. We may have been criticizing, complaining, rejecting or otherwise causing the other to feel unaccepted.
b. We may have been seeking continual affirmation in ways that may have been tiring for the other.
c. Our fears may have been causing us to be over sensitive and annoying.
d. Perhaps we were playing games of power, who is right or who is more successful.
e. We might have been playing roles such as the child, the parent, the savior, the holy one, the rebel, the teacher or some other role which may have affected the other?s behavior.
f. We may have guilt feelings that were making us vulnerable to the other?s words or behaviors.
g. Perhaps we were not communicating our needs clearly and effectively as an adult and were suppressing ourselves or complaining, criticizing or threatening.
h. We might have been projecting onto the other our childhood or other experiences.
i. The other might have been reflecting back to us our lack of self-esteem or self-respect.
j. We may have attachments that were coming between us.
k. We may have inner conflicts, which were reflecting back to us from the other.

2. We may need to learn to love the other in spite of his or her behavior, regardless of whether we stay with that person or not.

3. We can discover that we can live without this person and that happiness, security and love are internal states that are always within us, if only we allow ourselves to experience them.

4. We can use this opportunity to develop greater inner strength so as to feel confident and able to face whatever may come to us in the game of life.

5. Most of us will need to change our self-image. We need now to learn to accept, love and respect ourselves more, so that we do not create the same problem in our next relationship or in life in general.

6. By directing our energies in a spiritual direction and developing a relationship with God – the Universal Being, we are no longer so vulnerable or so dependent on others for our feelings of security and self-worth.

7. We may also need to learn that the other’s decision to leave may not be a rejection at all. He or she may love and respect us dearly but be forced by other needs to seek happiness elsewhere.

Our lessons might be separated into five categories:

1. We might need to learn to communicate more effectively, assertively and lovingly.

2. Perhaps we need to let go of some attachments, which are increasing our conflicts with others and diminishing our happiness.

3. Examine our behaviors that might be annoying the other.

4. Free ourselves from subconscious programmings, which limit our self-esteem and ability to attract the behaviors that we deserve.

5. Develop inner feelings of security, self worth and freedom.

Once our happiness, security and love have become internalized, we can experience unconditional love.

Although we need to make every possible step to heal our relationships, if and when a relationship breaks down, there is still much we can learn.

Robert Elias Najemy is the author The Psychology of Happiness available at  http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html.

Using EFT To Release the Pain Of “Saying Goodbye”

By Angie Muccillo © 2007

The Pain of Saying Goodbye

Is there a person, place, or situation in your life you have to say “goodbye” to? Is someone you love moving away, or dying, or are you the one moving away and leaving the place and the people you love behind? Does the thought of saying goodbye in this case cause sadness or pain, regret, abandonment, grief, bitterness or fear? Alternatively is there someone or something in the past that you had to say goodbye to and the thought of it still creates pain?

As life is never stagnant the people and places in our lives will always come and go and so we are all at some stage faced with the prospect of saying goodbye. This is a time which can be filled with an array of positive and negative emotions. Many a song lyric, movie, poem and novel has been written around the theme of painful goodbyes.

Tap On Your Goodbyes

Using EFT to release the pain of “saying goodbye” can make it easier to accept the situation or to “let go and move on” from whatever person or circumstance is leaving or has left your life. Saying goodbye is not always painful, but when it is painful, taking the time to focus on it and tap can be very healing and emotionally liberating. It is also useful as a personal peace exercise.

How To Tap on Your Goodbyes

Past Goodbyes

Make a list of all the “painful goodbyes” you can think of from when you were a child until now. Give each “painful goodbye” a name or label (“the time I had to say goodbye to……”)and apply the EFT Movie Technique to each one of these movies until you release all the negative emotions around these specific events.

Future Goodbyes

Think of a person, place or thing that you will be saying goodbye to in the near future and on a scale of 0-10 rate how upset you are at the thought of this? E.g. It may be a friend who’s moving away or a close colleague who is leaving work or a child that is moving out of home or a parent who is returning to their home country or a partner who is leaving for war duty etc. Use the sets ups below or create your own.

“Even though it’s hard to say goodbye to______________ I deeply and completely accept myself.” Reminder: “It’s hard to say goodbye”

“Even though saying goodbye to ______________ is painful and fills me with (sorrow/pain/fear/regret/anger etc) I deeply and completely accept myself.” Reminder: “Saying goodbye is painful”

“Even though I don’t want to say goodbye to_____________ I deeply and completely accept myself.” Reminder: “I don’t want to say goodbye”

“Even though saying goodbye hurts, I deeply and completely accept myself.” Reminder: “Saying goodbye hurts”

“Even though I don’t want to move on in my life without ____________________, I deeply and completely accept myself.” Reminder: “I don’t want to move on without you. Don’t make me”

“Even though I hate goodbyes, I deeply and completely accept myself.” Reminder: “I hate goodbyes”

“Even though I’m afraid of letting go and moving on, I deeply and completely accept myself.” Reminder: “Fear of letting go and moving on”

Energetic Goodbyes

Perhaps there is someone you still haven’t said “goodbye” to “properly” in your heart or you didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to before they died. If there is someone you feel “ready” to say “goodbye” to, you can either think about or look at a picture of them and tap continuously as you repeat the word “goodbye” at each point.

“Say Goodbye” to the Pain of “Saying Goodbye”

Someone very important to me is about to leave my life by moving away, so now more than ever I am very grateful for the use of EFT in helping me to release the “yucky stuff” so I can embrace the experience with joy and gratitude. For me this current “goodbye” has triggered deep sadness reminding me of the pain associated with “past goodbyes” all of which I can neutralize with EFT.

Angie Muccillo
EFT Practitioner & Instructor
Remedial Massage Therapist (Member AAMT)
(BA Social Science- Psych/Soc)
(Cert IV Remedial Massage)
(EFT-ADV)

Location

Sublime Massage Clinic
Hutton Street
Thornbury Melbourne

Vic Australia 3071

mob: 0417391055
sublime@pacific.net.au
angiemuccillo@gmail.com